


Mercy

by bourbon_banshee



Series: Lydia Martin Joins The Avengers [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Teen Wolf (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-29 02:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13917429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bourbon_banshee/pseuds/bourbon_banshee
Summary: Sequel to 'There Is Good In You'.After Frigga's death, Loki seems to be falling down through a never ending spiral of pain. It's not only his mother he mourns, but a loss he has never spoken about.Lydia's powers continue to grow, revealing she's more powerful than she would have ever imagined herself to be. Maybe too powerful for her own sake.Fanfic/AU





	1. 01

**Bucky's P.O.V**

"But how do I use it?", I asked.

Lydia was teaching me how to adapt to 21st century technology. In all honesty, after that night at the compound's kitchen, we had bonded. She wasn't scared of me, as I had thought at first. She could read me like a book and it was nice to feel someone other than Steve being so understanding towards my past. The other Avengers were really kind, except for Tony, but he had valid reasons to still hate me. I would sometimes hate myself too. Lydia could feel it. She would help me to ease my mind after having nightmares just by talking to me. Sometimes I would show her, just because it was a lot easier than explaining what was inside my brain.

"It depends on what you want to use it for...", she explained calmly.

"I don't even understand why it's called a 'YouPhone'!".

She laughed loudly.

"Bucky, it's 'iPhone', not 'YouPhone'. It's yours but the name of the device itself it's iPhone...".

"It's too hard!", I groaned.

"No, it's not. You need to be patient and you'll learn...", she smiled.

Then her face changed. I could tell what was coming. She ran off to her bedroom. I would have followed her but instead, I watched her leave.

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I screamed loud enough to break a glass I had forgotten on my night table. I had this awful (yet normal for a banshee) feeling. 

Once I could think straight again, I thought  _'Okay, who is it?'_  That had to be related to someone within the compound.  _'Bucky, Natasha, Wanda, Vision, Clint, Tony, Steve, Bruce, Sam... Who am I missing?'._  Then it hit me. Thor.

I ran out of my bedroom and asked out loud.

"Friday, where is Thor?".

"Thor is currently in Asgard, Ms. Martin".

"Thanks, Fri. And stop calling me Ms. Martin, it's Lydia".

"Okay Lydia".

Then I felt it again, but this time I didn't get to my room. I wanted to hold in it so badly, but it would only weaken me.

My scream was loud enough to cause everyone to come where I was standing at.

"Lydia!!!. What happened!?", Steve asked.

"We... we... need to get Thor...", I stuttered. It was him. Not as him being dead but it had to do with him.

"That's the only fucking problem about Thor. We have no way to get him. Stupid demi-god won't even use a phone. Even Frosty is learning how use one", Tony said and pointed at Bucky with his head.

About a few minutes after, the compound door got opened. It was Thor and... Loki?.

"Speak of the devil..." Natasha said.

"Wait a minute, why is Reindeer Games here!?!?!?", Tony asked, clearly upset.

Thor said nothing. His face was disconnected but Loki's... it was different. He seemed void. Emotionless. Numb. Mostly, he seemed in pain. I came closer.

"Lydia, don't!", Steve warned me. I turned around, Clint was already aiming at Loki with his bow and arrow.

Thor got in between Loki and me before I could take another step.

"Lady Lydia...", he sighed. He was sad, there was no need to have a supernatural skill to tell that. I touched his face gently. His mother had died recently. 

He was mourning her on the inside, but it was Loki who was suffering the most.

"It was you...", I mumbled, but I wasn't talking to Thor. Loki looked at me with empty eyes.

"He was what?. Thor, can you please explain why the hell you brought your brother into the compound?. The last time he was in town we almost died. And by we, I'm talking about me", Tony said.

"He needed to get out of Asgard. We both did. Loki was imprisoned but something happened and it was no longer safe for him to stay there", Thor replied.

"Why?. And why should we care?", Natasha asked.

"Their mother passed away...", I said unintentionally.

The room went silent.

"I know this is a lot to ask for, but I need to keep my brother safe", Thor stated.

"Safe from who?", Steve was confused. They all were. And I was shocked.

"Himself", my voice was weaker than expected.

Everyone looked at me and back at Thor, who simply nodded.

"Well, we have a cell, in case...", Tony started.

"In case I snap", Bruce finally said.

"I give you my word, he will do no harm. Loki... has changed", Thor said quietly.

"How can we be sure about that?. He's the God of Mischief, Chaos and Lies...", Sam replied.

"I can see if it's true or not", I volunteered.

"Lydia...", Steve sighed.

"I won't touch Loki. But I can tell if Thor is being honest", I said as I grabbed Thor's hand. Loki had, indeed, changed. He became a quiet person, with no longer the desire to destroy anything or anyone other than himself.

Everyone was waiting for me to say something.

"He's telling the truth. Loki won't be a threat...", I stated.

"Fair enough. Listen, Reindeer Games, we'll give you a room. If you even dare to do a single thing, we will take you to the cell, and then, you will suffer...", Tony warned him. Loki just nodded. 

I felt the urge to scream again, and ran away from there as soon as I could. I went to the basement. It was the only place with no windows. I let it out. I had never screamed this loud, not even when I kept seeing Bucky and not knowing who he was.

I could tell someone had followed me and gasped as I turned around.

"That's why you screamed...", Bucky said "It was Thor's mother...".

"No. It wasn't Thor's mother nor his pain that made me scream. It was Loki's...", I said and looked down.

"Lydia, you need to stay away from him...", he said as he embraced me.

"I know...".

And I did know. I just wasn't sure if I would be able to do so.


	2. 02

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I hadn't seen Loki. Thor would take food into his room and he was the only one who would actually see him. Tony had installed several security devices around the compound and Loki being there only made him go overboard. Sometimes I would feel suffocated in there.

I was trying to have some coffee when I could hear yelling coming from another floor. I could hear Tony screaming at someone and there was only one person he would snap at like that.

"Hey, where are you going?", Sam asked as he came into the kitchen.

"To prevent a possible catastrophe...", I sighed as I walked to the elevator.

By the time I got out, things were about to go wild. In the worst kind of way.

"YOU ARE A MURDERER! BRAINWASHED OR NOT, YOU HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS!", Tony yelled.

"I COULDN'T STOP IT!. DO YOU THINK I WANTED THEM TO DIE AT MY HAND!?!", Bucky replied, yelling as well.

"ENOUGH!!!!!!", I screamed, not loud enough to break any fragile objects, but it surprised them and their yelling stopped. "What in heaven's sake in wrong with you two!?. Can you just drop it once and for all!?!".

"NO!", they both said in unison.

They were inches from each other. As fast as I could, I got in between, putting each one of my hands on their shoulders. Then everything became a blur.

**Tony's P.O.V**

As soon as Lydia touched us, I had these visions. None of them were mine, but they seemed painful. Correction: they  _were_  painful. I could feel my head about to explode, and I was no longer at the compound. Instead, I was tied up to a chair, with heavy machines around me and someone speaking in Russian.

_'It hurts. Make it stop!. IT HURTS!!!!'._

Then, I just felt void. "Ready to comply", the words came out of my mouth but that wasn't my voice. It was... Barnes?.

_'Holy fuck...'_

**Bucky's P.O.V**

I was going in free falling from a hole. I felt I wasn't going to make it. I could see a device around my head. A helmet, maybe?. It head lights all around it, and they simply shut down. I could feel I was going to die, and tears ran down my face as I fell. 

All the angst, the pain, the fear. Every single choice I had ever made had led to this moment. I didn't want to die.

None of that was part of me. It wasn't a memory of mine. The last thing I saw was Mr and Mrs Stark. I was inside Tony's head.

_'God...'._

**Lydia's P.O.V**

"Lydia!?. Lydia!. Wake up!!. Friday, call Banner now!", I could hear Tony's voice. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. Tony and Bucky were staring at me.

"Lydia, what the hell was that?", Tony asked.

"I... don't... I don't know...", I felt exhausted. "What happened?".

They looked at each other before looking back to me.

"What? What happened?", I asked, trying to rejoin. I had fainted, apparently.

"Lydia, what did you see?", Bucky wondered.

"I saw old memories of yours. You, being tortured and Tony almost dying. I had seen those things before, why are you both looking at me like that?", now I was somewhat pissed at their looks.

"Because we... Stark, do you want to tell her?", Bucky said. I had never seen him being so gentle to Tony.

_'Oh Boy... what have I done!?'_

"It's okay, Barnes. Maybe we should do it together...", Tony replied.

_'Okay, now the world is coming to an end...'_

"Guys?. Not to be rude, but can someone please speak the hell up already?. What happened?", I was running out of patience.

"Lydia, when you touched us, at the same time, it somehow made us see...", Tony started.

"Into each other's past. I saw Tony's memories as if they were mine", Bucky continued.

"And I felt Barnes' pain as if it had been inflicted on me", Tony explained.

"You... what!?. How is this even possible!?", I asked, shocked.

"You tell us...", Bucky said.

"I had never done it. I mean... I have seen all of your memories, but I have never touched two people at once. It never even crossed my mind. If anything, I thought it would make me scream or faint".

"You called me?", Bruce walked in, running out of breath.

"We need to talk... Friday, call everyone. Tell them there is something we ALL need to talk about", Tony said.

"At your service, Mr Stark", the IA replied.

Shortly after, pretty much everyone was there. Okay... everyone was there. Tony and Bucky explained what had happened. I was still confused.

I could feel the team's eyes going from Bucky and Tony to me.

"You are like a bridge...", Wanda said.

"Am I?", I asked. Technically, she was right. A bridge connects one point to another. It links things, places, people.

"There's only one way to find out...", Clint said.

"She's too weak. She passed out after touching us. We are not putting her through it again!", Bucky said.

"I think I'm still allowed to make choices of my own, Buck...", I replied.

"Okay then...", Wanda grabbed Thor's arm "We are next".

"Lady Wanda...", Thor tried to excuse himself but they all gave him a 'Not a chance, bro' look.

I grabbed Wanda's and Thor's hand at the same time. My vision became blurry once again. It wasn't anything new. Wanda losing her parents, being in Sokovia, at the lab. Feeling Pietro's death. When my head went through Thor's memories, I saw the first memories I got from him all over again, but I also noticed something had changed. Jane... she had left him. He had lost his mother and the woman he loved. And he was afraid he might lose Loki too. I let go of them before going any further (and before I could faint).

"So...?", Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Lady Wanda... I am so sorry for the losses you have endured", Thor said.

"And I'm sorry about Jane...", she replied.

"What? What happened to Jane?", Tony asked.

"She... decided it would be better for us to go separate ways", Thor stated with a sad look on his eyes. "Nobody knew it. At least, no one of you did up until now".

"It worked...", Bruce said and we all looked at him. "Lydia, whatever it is that you did, it connected them".

"That's the thing, Bruce. I didn't do anything. I just touched them at the same time. Instead of overloading my head with images and memories from them, they switched places".

"That's either too good or too bad...", Sam said. Nobody said a single thing.  _'This can't be good'._

"You guys... I'm not feeling too well", I said. I started feeling as if my head was spinning around.

Before I could even blink, Steve was already carrying me to my bedroom.

"I'm scared...", I whispered.

"Don't be. You will be safe here, Lydia. We will not let anything happen to you", he said softly, as he gave me one of his adorable smiles and I nodded.

Not too long after Steve left, I fell asleep.

_"TELL ME!"_ , I heard someone screaming and woke up shaken.

I opened the door and looked around. The floor was quiet and empty. I went to bed again and tried to close my eyes, when I heard it again. This voice... I couldn't tell who it belonged to, thought it sounded oddly familiar.

_"Because I'm the monster that parents tell their children at night?"_.

_'What on Earth is that?'_. As far as I knew, none of those words nor the vague memory of that voice belonged to any of my teammates. 

But then, I remembered, there was someone else in the compound. Someone whose voice I hadn't heard clearly.


	3. 03

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I tried to resist the urge, but I finally gave in. I tiptoed my way downstairs, to the floor where Loki was at. Tony had insisted that they didn't want him anywhere near me; when I wondered why, he explained that Loki was and would always be The God of Mischief, Chaos and Lies.

"If he comes close to you, there is no way to know what he will show you. He can create fake images only to harm you, and that's a risk we're not willing to take", he said. "Besides, he doesn't want to see anyone other than Thor. He is not at his best".

_'God of whatever, I'm not going away. Not until I know why the hell I've been screaming so much ever since he got here',_  I thought to myself.

I softly knocked on the door but got no answer. I insisted. After a few minutes, I had ran out of patience and decided to finally open the door. I was quite sure that it would trigger one of Tony's devices and I would get into deep trouble, but I needed to see him.

Not only the devices didn't go on but also, the room was empty.

_'What the...?'_

Then I thought. There was only one place where they could put Loki: a cell.

I ran upstairs, to the highest floor. The main gate was locked down. _'Dammit!. There has to be a way'._

There was a small device on the wall. I needed a password to get in there.  _'Very smart, Tony'._

I tried random combinations of numbers. I was about to give up when I thought about the number 33284. The numbers spelled the word 'DEATH'.

_'Here goes nothing'_ , I thought and pressed the numbers. By a miracle (maybe not), the gate opened.

I walked in slowly, just to see Loki against the wall. All the furniture around him had been destroyed (by his own hands I assumed). The cell was made out of glass (bullet proof, hammer proof, maybe even banshee proof?). I could tell is was thick glass but I also could hear Loki's breath. Maybe that was a side effect of being what I was.

He looked at me and once again, I could see the void in his eyes.

"Loki?", I asked. He didn't seem interested in me at all. I hadn't come up here to go back empty handed. "I'm Lydia. I don't think we have met before. I joined The Avengers not too long ago".

"I know...", he said.

"I'm a ban...", I was trying to say but he cut me off.

"A banshee. The wailing woman, who appears or is heard as a sign that someone is about to die, or has already died. My brother told me about you", he replied.

"Is that all Thor has told you about me?", I asked. I wanted to know where was I standing at in there.

"No. He said you see things. You see into people's minds. Their pasts, their sins, their moments of joy and agony as well. Besides, I was there when you touched him and realized our mother had passed away. I believe I should thank you. It was you who convinced Stark and the others to let me stay here", his voice was deep yet he didn't seem harmful at all.

"Why are you here?. In the cell, I mean. I thought you had been given a room", I asked.

"That didn't go too well... Why are you here?", he asked.

"I was curious...", I lied.

"You are lying. I have not been named 'God of Mischief, Chaos and Lies' out of nothing. You can tell when death is coming. I can tell when someone is lying. Why are you here?", he insisted.

"Because ever since you came, I've been feeling your pain. Until about an hour ago I was sleeping, but your voice woke me up".

"How is that even possible?. I have not been talking. And even if I had been, how could you hear me?. There is a considerable distance between this cell and the floor where your room is".

"I hear things, Loki. Things nobody else hears. That comes with being a banshee".

"And what exactly did you hear?".

"I heard you", and I quoted the exact words I had heard.

He looked at me. Now I had his attention.

"Did Thor ever mention you any of that?".

"No", I shook my head. He stared at me, realizing I was being honest.

"Only two people were there when that conversation took place. I believe you have not met Odin", he said.

"I have only seen him through Thor's memories, but other than that, no...".

"And why did you think it would be a good idea to come up here?. They have been protecting you at all costs. Rogers was reluctant towards the idea of you touching me".

"I didn't think, Loki. I just came. Your pain is becoming mine as well. When I see someone's grief, it doesn't just affect them. It also affects me. That's why my room is acoustic. Any member of the team can have a nightmare and I would feel their pain, leading me to scream."

"Well, that does make a lot of sense. Now I understand..."

"You understand what?", I asked not sure of what he meant.

"Why they want me as far away as possible from you. I am a threat to you. If you ever touched me, you would not be able to handle the pain".

"I think I've seen enough of everyone's pain. Bucky's was, by far, the worst one. I spent months having nightmares and screaming before I even got to meet him"

"This is different. Have you ever had a secret buried so deep in you that just the mere thought of it would make you...?"

"Scream?", I finished his sentence.

He nodded.

"No. I only have two secrets. One is the fact that I'm here right now. I sneaked out of my room to find you. Friday will probably show this to Tony in the morning and only God knows what will happen to me. The other secret is something I rather not to talk about, but it doesn't make want to scream. At least, not as a banshee", I replied.

My only secret was that I had strong feelings for one of my teammates. The moment I saw him, I knew... I knew there was just something about him. Maybe it was the fact that I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. 

I just... I had all these feelings but I had kept it to myself because I was scared to death. Also, I knew it was never going to happen. Steve had been in love only once, with Peggy Carter, former S.H.I.E.L.D agent. She had passed away not too long ago, and some nights, I could hear him sobbing over her. She was his one true love. I was just a girl he rescued from a lab. That was it.

"Well, I have a secret that hurts. It burns. I have buried it so deep that whenever I think about it, I feel like I would rather be dead".

"Loki, let me see...", I asked.

"No. I was allowed to stay here under the promise of not harming anyone. You cannot see...", he refused.

"Loki, I'm already in pain because of your pain. It will only get worse unless I understand...", I tried to explain.

"No".

"Loki...".

"I SAID NO!!!", he yelled.

I could tell there was pain in that yell, so much pain... I wanted to scream. I needed to scream. And so I did, not even thinking about what could happen.

As expected, the sensors and devices went off. Loki's cell started to shake and he looked at me with widened eyes.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?", I could hear Tony screaming in the distance.

"He did nothing. It was me. I sneaked in here, Tony. I was curious and I just... I wanted to see him...", I explained.

"What did you do to make her scream like that!?", Tony was yelling at Loki, who was still shocked.

"Tony, he didn't do anything!", I snapped.

"Then what caused that scream!?".

"His pain...", I whispered.

"But how... You can't touch him and he can't touch you. How?".

"He is just..." I looked at Loki, not sure whether to lie for him or not "He is mourning his mother, Tony. And it's painful. You and I both know it".

Tony gave one last look at Loki before dragging me out of there along with him.

"How did you get the password?", he asked as he went downstairs.

"I tried random numbers, until I realized what could possibly mean Loki to you: death. You associate the idea of him with destruction and dead because of what he did in the past. Am I right?".

"Banshee, supernatural being and genius...", he replied, sarcastically.

I chuckled at him before going to my room.

I wasn't going to give up on Loki, for both of our sakes.


	4. 04

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I woke up before dawn; took a shower and tiptoed my way out of the compound. 

My mind was all over the place. I would hardly ever go outside by myself. I was always either with Wanda, Natasha and sometimes Bucky. Walking around some places seemed to bring back tiny bits of his memory back and it was nice to see that spark on his eyes when he could remember.

But today... It was different. I needed to be alone. All that had happened over the past few days had me a bit confused. I was a banshee with some sort of supernatural ability to connect people's minds and memories. God only knew what would happen if I ever went to a crowded place, like a baseball match or a rock show.

I had never been to any of those places. I had only been in Sokovia, even though I was born in the U.S. My dad worked as a marine and I was only few years old when he got transferred. We moved and I only came back to the U.S after the Avengers took me out of the lab (or should I say when Steve saved my life?).

Also, I couldn't shake Loki off my thoughts. He was not only mourning his mother's loss but also... he seemed to have lost someone else, other than himself. And that was giving him so much pain that it made it painful for me as well. He was hurt. It was really hard to see in him the man who once tried to destroy the entire city. Now he was... a shadow of who he used to be. I knew he had done awful things (from what I saw in Thor's head) but I couldn't help to feel sorry for him. I needed to talk to him, to touch him. I needed to see. It was the only way I'd ever be able to understand him, and maybe even help.

But those were not the only reasons I had to get out of the compound that day. It was my birthday as well. I wasn't sure if the team knew, but I just... it was the first time in years I wasn't held captive on this day and it felt odd. I just wanted to be on my own for a while.

**Bucky's P.O.V**

_'What's that smell?'_ , I tought to myself as I walked to the kitchen. I was hoping to see Lydia there, as we are usually the first ones to get up, but instead, I found Wanda, baking.

"What are you cooking?", I asked and frowned.

"I'm baking the cake...", she sighed as if it wasn't obvious.

" **THE**  cake?. What cake?", I wondered.

"Did someone say cake?", Natasha was right behind me.

"Yes. Lydia's birthday cake...", Wanda replied and looked at us. "Did you not know?".

"It's Lydia's birthday!?", my voice was a little louder than I would have liked it to.

"Yes. I thought... Wait, nobody knows?", Wanda asked as Natasha and I both shook our heads.

"Friday, can you ask the team to come?" Vision said, coming from the rooms area. "Lydia isn't in her room".

_'Where the hell is she and why didn't she mention anything about her birthday?'._

**Tony's P.O.V**

"Fri, can you inform me on Lydia's whereabouts?", I asked.

"Right away Tony", the IA replied.

"Now, how could we not know today was her birthday? And why the hell has she gone out?", I stated looking at everyone.

"Well, I remembered the date because we spent a long time in the lab in Sokovia. I thought you'd know, considering you have read her files", Wanda pointed out. She was right. We should have known.

"Tony, Lydia is currently at Madison Square Garden", Friday said and displayed an image of Lydia, sitting on a bench, looking at the people around her. She looked lost in her own thoughts.

 I hadn't said a word about her visit to Loki's cell. I knew she was curious but also, she could feel our pain, and Reindeer Games' as well. It must have been something quite strong to make activate the sensors.

"Good. Well, how about we clean this place up and get dressed up properly? We could throw a small party", I suggested.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?", Steve asked.

"Lydia hasn't had a birthday party since she was 17. That was when her parents died and she was captured...", Wanda said in a whisper. Everyone went silent. We knew Lydia's parents had been killed by the same people who had her as a hostage.

"Then we probably should do something...", Bucky agreed.

"Wanda, you are the one who knows her the most. Just make sure she gets dressed up", I said.

"We'll do her hair and makeup. That's covered", Natasha replied.

"I'll go get some food", Vision offered.

"I'll join you", Clint volunteered.

"I'll get the main room ready. Cleaning eases my mind", Bruce said and we all kind of laughed. If cleaning was keeping him from going all Hulk mode, then it was fine by me.

"If you excuse me, I will see my brother first and then, I will join you to get something for Lady Lydia", Thor spoke.

"Steve and I will come with you", Bucky said.

"Actually, Barnes, would you mind staying here and giving me a hand?. Sam can go with Steve and Thor", I said. Bucky was the only one I could tell about what had happened the night before, as they were close.

"Uhm, sure...", he said and soon understood there was something I needed to discuss with him.

Eventually, everyone had a task and got to it.

I asked Bucky to join me at my workshop.

"Why am I here?. You don't need my help with Lydia's birthday, do you?", he asked.

"No. But I do need your help with Lydia", I said.

"What's wrong with her?", he asked and I could tell he cared for her.

"Ever since Loki's arrival, her banshee side has been coming out a lot. Meaning, his pain has been making her scream much more than ever before. Last night the sensors and devices placed at Loki's cell went off. It sounded like the whole compound was on fire. I got there only to find Lydia screaming and Loki staring at her in shock".

"What!? She went to see Loki, alone!?".  _'Oh man... that didn't sound good at all'_

"She looked for him in his room, and when she saw there was nothing there, she went to the cell. Only Thor and I know the password to the room where the cell is. But Lydia, being herself... figured it out. She said she wanted to see him because she was curious. And when I asked what had he done to make her scream like that, she replied it was his pain. Thing is, there was no way she could touch him", I explained.

"But she felt his pain regardless of that. Just like she felt mine before even meeting me in the flesh...", he sighed.

"Loki is bad news for a girl like Lydia, yet she can't help to feel our pain or his. I need you to talk her out of the idea of going near Loki again", I said.

"What makes you think she'll listen to me?. You know Lydia. She hardly ever listens anyone"

"She has a soft spot for you, Barnes. And vice versa. You have a special bond with her...".

He looked at me and after some minutes he nodded.

"I'll do it. I can't... I don't want Lydia to be in pain. But we should also talk to Thor".

"I'll try to put some sense into that Asgardian brain of his. I know he cares about his brother, but if it comes to a choice, we are not losing Lydia's sanity over Reindeer Games' madness", I stated.

"Agreed".

For once, Barnes and I were actually agreeing on something.  _'Lydia, you little banshee freak...'._


	5. 05

**Loki's P.O.V**

"Brother...", Thor said. I simply looked at him. I was still thinking about the previous night.

"Thor...", I replied after some minutes.

"Is there anything I can do to make you comfortable?", he offered.

"A book would be nice. Ask Stark if he happens to have anything related to Midgardian folklore", I asked.

"What?", Thor seemed surprised.

"I just want something to read other than the same old books", I lied.

My brother stared at me for a moment, he was turning around when I called him.

"Thor?"

"Yes?"

"This Midgardian girl, the banshee...", I started.

"Lady Lydia?".

"Yes, her. Is she okay?", I asked.

"It is her birthday today. She has left the compound and Stark decided to give a party in her honor. Why are you suddenly interested in her?", Thor looked at me. I knew that look. It was the  _'You are not harming anyone or I will kill you myself'_  look.

"She visited me last night", I replied. He was certainly not expecting that.

"She did what?".

"I thought you knew. Aren't you and your friends the kind of people who don't keep secrets from each other?".

"No. I didn't know. Only Stark and I know the password to get in here".

"Well, Stark came and he was not happy to see her here, so I assume neither of you gave her the password".

"How did she guess it?".

"I have no idea".

"What did she tell you and why was Stark here?. And I want the truth, Loki".

"She wanted to know how I was feeling. She can sense others' pain. She asked me to let her look in my head, just like she did with you when we arrived. I refused and had a bad memory. A painful one. That made her scream loud enough to activate those Midgardian things and Stark arrived shortly after. He couldn't understand how any of that had happened".

"Well, in all honesty, neither can I. I know losing Mother has been hard for you, brother, but how strong is that pain?. Is that the only reason behind your suffering?".

"It is none of your concern, Thor".

"It is if it affects both you and Lydia", he said.

"We spoke about secrets. She only had two: one was being there with me. The other one, she did not say. But she knows I have secrets of my own, and that's what made her scream. Even if I did not say a word about them. She lied to Stark. She said that she had screamed because I was mourning our Mother".

"She lied, for you?", Thor was even more surprised than before.

"She did...", I nodded.

"Why would she?. Did you do something to her Loki?"

"I cannot use my magic inside of this rotten cell", I pointed out.

"Then, why would she lie for you? And what secrets are you holding onto that would make her scream like that?".

"My secrets are mine, Thor. Not yours to know or anyone's to tell. As for the banshee, I do not know why she lied to Stark".

"She was protecting you...", Thor said. It made sense. If she had told Stark I had a secret so painful that was also affecting her, he would have kicked me out. She was not only protecting me, but Thor as well. She knew my brother would fight Stark if he wanted me out.

"Why would she care for me, Thor?".

"I don't know, Loki. I must leave now, but I will return later with that book you asked for".

"Thank you", I said.

I had not asked the book just because I wanted something new to read. I specifically asked for Midgardian folklore because I needed to know more about banshees. Mostly, I needed to know why in the nine realms was this girl trying to protect me.

**Lydia's P.O.V**

It was almost dusk when I returned to the compound. I had spent the whole day out, looking at people, eating at a small place, trying to fit in. It did help my head, to be honest. I was feeling much better when I got back.

"Hello?", I asked. The place was empty. 'Where is everyone?'.

"Lydia!!!. Come over!" I heard Wanda calling me from her room.

"Hey, where is every...? What are you doing?", I asked as soon as I saw her and Natasha dressed up.

"We are having a meeting. Fury asked us to be in formal attires", Natasha said.

"I think I have a dress that would look perfect on you", Wanda offered. Before I could say a single word, I was in a strapless blue dress, and having my hair and makeup done.

"I could have done this by myself, girls...", I said.

"Yeah, but it's nice to be pampered every now and then, isn't it?", Natasha said. I agreed. It felt nice to be taken care of. Especially on days like this.

"We should get going... The meeting is in the main room", Wanda hurried me, as we took the elevator.

"Guys... why is everything dark?", I asked but when I turned around I was all alone. I could have sworn Natasha and Wanda were behind me.  _'What the hell...?'_

"SURPRISE!!!!!!!!", the lights went on and I saw the entire team standing and smiling at me. The place was filled with balloons, and there was a banner with the phrase  _"Happy Birthday Lydia"_  on it.

I was shocked. I was certainly not expecting any of it. I wanted to cry. In fact, I was already crying.

"Lydia?" Bucky asked softly, everyone else just stayed in silence.

"Thank you... I... It has been a long time since my last birthday party. I can't thank you enough for this...", I said and smiled at them.

One by one, they all came to hug me.

"Wanda, this was you, wasn't it?", I asked.

"Actually... I only told them it was your birthday after Bucky caught me baking a cake", she said. "The party was Tony's idea".

"Why am I not surprised?", I wondered as I looked at Tony.

"Proof that Tony Stark has a heart", he said and laughed. "Happy birthday, Lydia".

"Thanks. It means a lot to me. If only I could show you what's in my head, for a change...".

"As long as you're happy, then we are happy too", Clint said. "Oh, I have a little something for you". He handed me over his phone. It was a video of his wife and kids saying  _"Happy birthday Lydia!!"_. I smiled and had to hold in the urge to cry again. Clint was a fatherly figure to me.

"Tell them I said Thanks and that I send them lots of love", I replied.

"You know you are welcome any time".

"Thanks, Clint".

"Well... we got you something in behalf of the whole team", Steve cleared out his throat and gave me a small box. "Sam, Thor and I picked it. We hope you like it".

"Let's say he picked it before Thor or I could say a word. So if you don't like it, Steve is to blame" Sam stated, which only made us all laugh. Okay, almost all of us; Steve's face was red.

"Open it, please. We relied on them with the present and I would hate to have to punch their faces", Natasha said.

I opened the box to find a beautiful golden pendant with a lapis lazuli stone.

Only one person knew blue was my favorite color: Steve. I told him so one time after having a nightmare. He was up in the kitchen when I walked in, barefoot and pale as a ghost. He managed to calm me down by talking about simple things, like my favorite color, and the hobbies I had as a child. I used to collect stones and rare gems. I had lost all of them when I was captured. I looked at the pendant and I felt as if I was about to faint.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever been given", I said.

"That's a relief then...", Tony chuckled.

"May I?", Bucky asked, pointing at the pendant.

"Yes, please Buck", I said and he put the pendant around my neck. His fingers barely touched my skin but I saw enough to know that Tony had spoken to him about me. More precisely, about the fact that I had visited Loki. I felt slightly hurt by it. Not because of Tony, but because of Bucky. He wanted to talk me out of visiting Loki. I knew they wanted to protect me, but I was strong enough to take care of myself. That's what hurt me.

"It suits you...", Bucky said and smiled at me.

"Thanks... And Buck? Lying doesn't suit you. I will try to help Loki if I can. Just like I helped you", I whispered, low enough so only he could hear me. His smile faded and his face was pale.

"Oh! Hang on, there's one more thing", Tony said, and came with another small box.

I opened the box to find a silver bracelet with a stone in my second favorite color (though nobody knew that): red. (Yes, red and blue. Call me 'Captain Obvious').

"It's beautiful. Thanks, Tony", I replied and before he could try, Steve stepped in.

"Bucky stole my chance. May I?", he asked. I could have died right there.

"Yes...", I nodded.

He placed the bracelet on my wrist and I could see, for a second, that he had seen the pendant and went for it in a blink.

"Thanks", I whispered. "In fact, thank you all. You didn't have to get me any of this. I just... I'm going to be corny for a moment. But, you guys... This is amazing. I can't remember the last time I was given a surprise like this. I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for you. You are my family. You are all I have, and I couldn't be happier to be part of such a wonderful team".

I could have sworn I saw Natasha's eyes teary.

"Ok, now stop before you make us cry...", Tony stated.

"Fine, I'll shut up. But, I wanna know, who decorated this place?".

"That would be me...", Bruce said.

"I love it. Thanks Bruce", I replied and smiled widely at him.

  "You're welcome", he smiled back. I could tell his eyes were not on me at that moment.  

"Go get her...", I whispered to his ear.

Bruce smiled shyly before going over to talk to Natasha.

"I hope they finally get together...", I said to Wanda, who was being held by Vision. "Great choice with the food, Vi".

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it".

"Thor, did you bring what I asked?" Tony said after a while.

We had been playing beer pong. I was playing with Clint, but it was useless to play against Steve and Bucky. They metabolisms were enhanced, so they could drink as much as they wanted and they would still be sober. Ok, Bucky wasn't that sober. What had been done to him, the serum wasn't exactly the same as the one used on Steve. Still, it was pretty much impossible to get them drunk.

"Here. Ladies first", Thor said as he offered me a small cup of liquor.

"What is this?", I asked and raised an eyebrow.

"Liquor. Straight from Asgard. Stronger than any Midgardian drink", Thor explained.

"Oh oh...", I said. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea".

"We've all had it, except for you and Barnes. You will probably end up hammered but we got your back", Tony said "It's part of being an Avenger. Wait... before you drink, everyone raise a glass"

I looked at the team. Every one of them had a glass held up high.

"I want to make a toast. To Lydia", Tony stated.

"To Lydia!", they replied in unison.

"Cheers!. Now drink up!".

_'Dammit Tony, I'll hate for you this...',_  I thought as I drank the liquor. I could feel it burning my throat.

"Holy cow...", I said after gulping it. And that's the last memory I have of that night.


	6. 06

**Lydia's P.O.V**

"Ouch...", I said and opened my eyes slowly. I was in my bed, still in the dress that Wanda had given me. Somebody must have carried me.

There was an aspiring and a plastic bottle of water on my night table. I swallowed the pill and drank all of the water.

I showered before going to the kitchen. Bucky was there.

"Morning...", he said. I could tell he felt bad about having lied to me.

"Morning Buck", I replied as I went to grab a mug to pour some coffee into.

"Lydia, about last night... I'm sorry. I... Look, Tony and I are just trying to keep you safe. Loki's head is a bag full of cats. And we're worried that his pain could hurt you badly...", he sighed.

"Tony was also worried that your pain would hurt me, but it didn't. Not yours nor his. Nobody's pain has hurt me because you have shown me. You've all let me in. Loki won't. And the longer he waits, the worse it is. I just want to understand him".

"I know you do, Lyds, but... it's not safe. Not right now".

"It's ok, Buck. Don't worry. I'll stay out of danger".

"Lady Lydia? May I have a word with you?", Thor walked in.  _'What's this about?'._

"Sure...", I nodded.

"In private...".

_'Oh fuck... He knows I visited Loki'._

"Okay..."

I walked to my room with Thor right behind me.

"What is it Thor?".

"I know you visited Loki. And you lied for him. You didn't tell Stark what made you scream. It isn't just our mother's death. There is more to it, but Loki won't say. Yet, his pain was strong enough for you to feel it. You protected him. Stark would have asked me to leave if he had known Loki's current condition is also affecting you. Why I don't know is the reason you had to protect Loki", he said. I had to sit down and take a sip of coffee just to get my thoughts together.

"I wasn't just protecting him. I was covering your back too. I don't want him or you out of here. I know Loki has made bad choices and he harmed people, both here and in Asgard. I can feel he misses your mother with all of his heart, and yes, there's more to the story but he won't let me touch him. He thinks it will rip me apart. I need to see in his mind, Thor. The sooner, the better. If I see, then I'll understand. And once I understand, I'll be able to help. Just like I helped Bucky".

"I can't promise to convince Loki. He is stubborn and he seemed to care for your stability. Loki has only cared for two people in his life: my mother and himself. Something you said or did has awoken his interest in you. He even asked me for a book about Midgardian folklore. As far as I know, folklore is based on stories about different creatures or cultures. Are there any book that speak about...?", I knew what he wanted to say, but he was afraid I would feel offended.

"About banshees?. Yes, our folklore comes from Ireland. It's pretty far from here, but that's where it all started. So, you are telling me Loki wants to know more about banshees?", I was surprised.

"It looks like that. At first he said he wanted something new to read, for a change. Loki has never showed interest in Midgardian stories, that's when I realized what he really wanted to know".

"He knows what I am. Wouldn't it be easier to ask me than to read a book?".

"Reading is one of the few things that keeps him calm...", Thor sighed. I could tell he was having a hard time himself.

"Thor... may I?", I said and pointed at his hands.

He nodded.

He missed his mother, but mostly, he missed Jane. He needed someone to be there for him; he needed  **her**  to be there for him. He was trying to be strong for Loki, but inside, he was cracking down too.

I let go of his hand.

"You know you can count on me, Thor. As I said yesterday, you are my family. All of you. You are like a brother, Thor. The kind of funny, protective big brother I never had. I know you are not a mere mortal, but it's okay to let your walls down. It's okay not be okay, Thor. I know you don't want Loki or anyone to see your pain, but hiding it won't make it go away. It will be there. I know you miss them. Losing a parent is never easy but losing your anchor when you need it the most, it breaks your heart. And yours is aching. What I'm trying to say is: I'm here for you. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, you can just hold my hand and show me what you feel and think. It'll make it a bit easier".

Thor hugged me so tight I thought he was going to break my ribs.

"Thank you, Lydia".

"Don't thank me... Just keep Asgardian alcohol away from me", I said, trying to cheer him up. It made him laugh, so I was satisfied.

"You should have seen yourself...", he said.

"What did I do?", I asked, covering my face with my hands.

"Ask Stark to show you. He recorded it all".

"I'm going to kill Tony...", I replied.

"I'll try to talk to Loki...", Thor said.

"Don't. I'll show up myself", I stated.

"Are you sure? He can have a bad temper".

"So can I".

*

I knew there was footage from the previous night. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see it, though.

"Friday, show me all the footage from last night's party", I asked.  _'Here goes nothing'._

"Sure, Lydia".

I saw Bucky drank liquor right after I did; we danced and laughed. I danced with pretty much everyone and even climbed on Clint's back. We were all laying down on the floor, trying to make a star, which looked nothing like a star. I was between Bucky and Steve. I fell asleep curled up pretty close to Steve.  _'Oh boy, tell me that was it'_. He saw me and carried me in his arms.  _'That's how I got here'._

If only he knew...

**Loki's P.O.V**

_"From_ _and Scottish folklore, the bean-sidhe (_ _, "woman of the fairy folk") is the spirit of a woman who acts as a messenger of_ _. She appears outside of the houses of the five oldest Gaelic families (O'Connor, O'Grady, O'Neill, O'Brian, Kavanagh), sobbing and crying through the night to warn the family that death is near for one of them. The wailing of many banshees signifies that death is near for someone of_ _importance._

_The bean-nighe ("washerwoman"), her Scottish counterpart, can be seen by a lake or river, washing the bloodstained clothes of the one who will_ _soon die._ _  
_

_There seems to be a strong misconception in the United States about the banshee; she's_ _of a more evil nature, she actively seeks to bring_ _, and her bawling wail has been replaced by a stridently_ _scream.  
  
The banshee of Gaelic _ _is not an evil spirit at all; she's grieving for the one who is about to die_ _and she's trying to warn the family. She is usually heard rather than seen_ _, she appears as a_ _or young woman, a mature woman, or an old woman, her eyes are_ _from centuries of weeping, and she often tears at her hair as she bawls all night long."_  
  
'I heard a woman crying across the fields that night, and death took my grandmother. I knew then that I heard the banshee...'."

I was reading the book Thor had brought when the gates opened. I thought it was him, but instead, I saw the banshee herself.

"Loki...", she said as she sat down next to the glass from my cell.

"Lady Banshee", I replied "To what do I owe this pleasure?".

"Loki. Don't call me 'Lady Banshee'. It's Lydia, okay?. And being sarcastic isn't going to stop me from coming", she looked at me. I put the book down.

"Okay. I apologize, Lydia. May I know what brought you here?", I asked.

"You. You brought me here, Loki. Yesterday, you either slept all day long or thought about something else. I didn't feel a thing. I didn't hear your conversation with Odin. Your mind was occupied with something that, for hours, made you feel better. Less wounded", she said. She was right.

"I was reading for some hours. That usually keeps my mind occupied", I lied.

"You asked Thor for a new book. A folklore book, Loki. What were you reading about?. Banshees?", she gave me a challenging look.

"Indeed", I sighed and opened the book, showing her the page I was currently reading.

"Why didn't you ask me?. I could have told you that".

"I do not have a way to communicate with you. I know Stark's things can see exactly where I am at and if I need anything, I just talk. I don't believe that asking him to see you would have worked out, considering he changed the password. By the way, did Thor gave it to you?"

"No. I knew Tony would do that as soon as he could. It didn't take long for me to find the right numbers", she said and explained what she meant "The previous password was a code number for a word that Tony associates with you".

"Which was it?".

"Death".

"And what is it now?".

"Now is a code number for a word that he associates with a threat: my name".

"He believes you are a threat to me?", I asked.

"No. He thinks you are the threat, Loki. He believes that if I keep coming and trying to see inside of your mind, it will break me in ways nobody can imagine".

"He is right, then. I am a threat. I am a monster", I admitted.

"Well, not all monsters do monstrous things. We are all monsters".

"You are not a monster, Lydia. Have you ever murdered anyone?".

"No. But I was a monster to the people who captured me. I was a monster and a threat".

"It is not even close to what I am".

"Show me".

"No", I stated.

"Loki, show me".

"No, Lydia. You have already seen what happened to New York the last time I was here".

"And I've also seen you have changed. You are not a monster, Loki".

"Why do you care? I do not understand it. Why do you care?", I asked, frustrated.

"Because I've seen what pain can do to people. The longer you hold onto it, the harder it is to overcome. And I also believe that there's still hope for you, Loki. People can see the real you if you let them. That's why I care. Because I want them to see what I see: a man who would have been a decent ruler, but made a wrong choice. Just like we all did at some point of our lives. You made a mistake, that doesn't make you a monster".

She was being honest. She saw me as a man worthy of redemption and not the monster I made out of myself. Still, I was reluctant to the idea of letting her touch me. The only chance would be through a small window, where Thor would bring over my food and books. And even if I wanted her to touch me, the window would only answer to Thor's voice.  _'Midgardian inventions'._

"If I showed you my real face, would you still think the same?", I asked.

"I would", she replied. I couldn't tell if she was being honest because she wasn't sure herself.

I closed my eyes and opened them shortly after. Lydia was looking at me.

"Loki, your eyes...", she whispered.

"This is who I am. I am a monster".

"No, you are not a monster. Please, come closer", she asked. I would have refused under other circumstances, but I did not. I moved and got as close as I could to the glass, she stood up and did the same. She placed her hand where my face was, she moved her fingers, tracing the marks on my skin. She was not horrified. She was gazing.

"You look so... exotic", she said.

"Exotic?", I asked.

"Yes. Your skin. Your eyes. Your hands", she whispered, looking at the glass, which was starting to freeze.

I closed my eyes and went back to my regular form.

"Are you not scared?", I wondered.

"No, Loki. I'm not scared of you".

"How? And why?".

"Because the way you look doesn't change what I think of you. I still believe you are a man who deserves forgiveness and happiness as well", she replied.

Now it was me who wanted to show her. She reminded me so much of her. They did not look alike but she was the only person who thought of me as something other than a monster.

"Loki... what are you thinking?", she asked and frowned as she sat down and held her head. "Loki, please, it's making me want to scream".

"You remind me of someone. Someone I used to love", I confessed.

"Show me or tell me about her. Please, if you don't, it will make me scream and I don't want to...".

"I want to show you. But I cannot. I have no way of getting close to you", I said.

"What about the window?", she asked.

"It only opens when Thor comes and speaks to it", I sighed.

"Let me try something. Friday, open the window".

"I'm sorry Lydia, but I am not allowed to do so", a female voice replied. Another one of Stark's things, I assumed.

"Fuck!. Wait... Loki, I need you to look like yourself. The real you. If you can freeze the glass, it will crack down, right?".

"I am afraid that is not going to work. I was already in a cell like this. The only thing strong enough to break it was Thor's hammer".

She seemed to think for a few moments. She stood up and turned her back on me.

"That's not the only thing that can break the glass...", she said and looked at me.

"What are you thinking of?".

"Me. I need you to think. To remember this person. Remember her with all of your strength".

"But you will scream, Lydia!".

"That's the point. If I scream loud enough, the glass will break. I would suggest you cover your ears. I have stunned people before, your brother included", she stated.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?", I asked.

"I am. I don't care how loud I must scream. I'll do it if that's what it takes. Wait...", she said and grabbed the chair that was close to her. She smashed it against the glass, until the chair broke down. She used a piece of metal from the chair to lock the gates.

"Why did you do that?".

"Because the sensors will activate, just like they did two days ago and someone will come. Not Tony, he's out of the compound, but everyone else is here. Locking the door will give us some time", she explained.

"Has anyone told you how smart you are?", I said, in all honesty.

"A few people, but that's not the point. I need you to focus, Loki. Remember. Please, remember and allow yourself to feel. Even if it's pain, allow yourself to feel it. The sooner, the better".

I nodded and closed my eyes, focusing as Lydia had said. I eventually felt pain, a burning pain in my chest, and that's when I heard her.

The glass started to crack and soon enough, it broke down. The sensors, as she had called them, started making loud noises.

Lydia came into the cell and place her hands on my face before I could blink. Her touch was warm, like Artemisia's. It didn't take long for chaos to take over the whole place.


	7. 7

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I awoke to the awfully familiar sound of monitors. I opened my eyes slowly and knew I wasn't at the compound.

"Lydia?", Steve was by my side. "Thank God...".

"What happened?", I asked, but memories came to me as soon as I grabbed Steve's hand.

After I went into Loki's cell, I touched him and I could see what had caused him so much pain. But our time ran out. Bucky, Steve and Thor came into the room. Obviously, they broke the door down. Thor got to Loki before Bucky did and Steve was trying to hold Bucky to stop him from attacking Loki. During this whole madness, I was weakened by what I had seen and someone, accidentally, pushed me, causing me to fall and get injured. I could see Steve turning his head in slow motion. I had a piece of glass between my ribs. I passed out in Steve's arms.

"Lydia...", Steve whispered.

"I'm ok. Where's Loki?", I asked. I was in physical pain but my main concern was not my health.

"Thor left with him. He's leaving him in Asgard", he replied.

"NO!. He can't!!. He can't do that!. It will kill him!!", I yelled.

"Lydia, calm down. You lost a lot of blood and for a second we thought...", Steve looked at me with worry in his eyes.

"You thought I was dead. Who made the call?. Who was it?", I asked. I wanted to know who had forced Thor to take Loki back to Asgard.

"It was me, Lydia", he replied. I could not believe what I was hearing.

"You had no right!!!", I snapped at him.

"I know you wanted to help Loki like you helped Bucky. Like you helped all of us. But look where that brought you!. You are in a Hospital, Lydia. We were scared to death and Bucky is torturing himself because he was the one who accidentally caused you to fall down!. He is a wreck. He thinks you'll never forgive him and if you don't, he won't make it!!!", he claimed. "I can't lose Bucky again, and the team can't lose you over Loki. He's damaged beyond repair, Lydia...".

I was crying silently.

"You didn't see what I saw, Steve. Loki is damaged, yes, but he can be mended. He just needs the chance, and now you have taken it away from him. Do you have any idea what it's like not to have a chance?. You had a second one at life. Bucky almost lost his, but you got him back and I helped him. Loki had this one chance. He's no different than us. He made a mistake. He lost someone he loved, just like you did. He lost his mother too... Why did you do that?", I asked.

"Because I care about you, and it was dangerous for you to go further in his mind", he replied looking at me.

"Please, just leave...", I said.

"Lydia...".

"I want to be alone... Just leave, and tell Bucky that it's ok. I know he didn't mean it.  **He**  wasn't the one who hurt me", my voice broke and I looked away.

Steve walked out of the room and all I could think of was Loki. I had seen into his mind. He was in pain not only because of his mother. He had lost someone he loved. This woman, beautiful and exotic. Artemisia. 

He loved her and she loved him but she disappeared.  _'Why?'_. I tried to concentrate and remember what I had seen. 

By the time I was able to do so, I felt my heart was going to break. I needed to find him before it was too late.

**Steve's P.O.V**

"She said she is not coming back until she finds a way to help Loki, even if that means leaving to Asgard herself", Wanda said. She had been with Lydia for a few hours.

"This is my fault...", Bucky said.

"Bucky, she already said you have nothing to feel sorry for. It was an accident", Wanda replied.

"She's right Buck. I'm the one to blame for all of this", I said and sighed.

"You were trying to protect her. We all were...", Tony replied. He looked sad. We all felt like part of us was missing.

Lydia had decided not to come back to the compound. Once she was discharged from the Hospital, she asked Clint if she could stay at his place with his wife and kids. They all adored her, so the answer was obvious. She hadn't even been back to pick her stuff up. Vision and Wanda took some of her things and went to visit her.

Bucky had seen her while she was still at the hospital. He felt it was his fault, but Lydia assured him it wasn't. She made it perfectly clear that I was the one who had hurt her. I tried to call her but she avoided any kind of interaction with me.

I couldn't even sleep well. The image of her getting hurt would play itself in my head over and over again. 

I couldn't tolerate the idea of Lydia going through any more pain. I cared about her, a lot. We all did, but I felt responsible for her. 

"I can't do this anymore... I have to get Lydia back here", I said as I stood up.

"She doesn't want to see you, Steve. She was pretty specific about that", Wanda said.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing!".

"There's one thing we could do...", Sam said "But you're not going to like it".

I knew what he was talking about, and no, I didn't like the mere thought of looking for Loki, but we needed to get Lydia back, and if that was the price, we would have to pay it.


	8. 08

**Loki's P.O.V**

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!", I yelled. 

I was a wreck. After the incident in the cell, Thor was asked to take me out of compound. So, we came back to Asgard. He insisted on staying but I did not want to see him, or anyone. I caused Lydia a lot of problems. She saw me as a man worthy of happiness and redemption, but I was not.

I closed my eyes and the images of my own life showed in my head.

Artemisia... Her parents were friends with Odin and my mother. They were so close that they made an arrangement: Artemisia would marry the one of us who inherited the throne at the right time. They talked about it when we were nothing but kids. We grew up together, and she became an amazing and beautiful woman. She had the heart of a warrior, but she was also kind and sweet. She would have made an extraordinary Queen. That's why Lydia reminded me of her. Artemisia and I had this bond; we could talk about anything, for hours. I loved her and she knew it; she loved me and I knew it. But sometimes love is not enough. As expected, the golden boy showed to be worthy of the throne. That meant Artemisia would have to marry Thor. Once again, I was nothing but a shadow, outshined by Odin's favorite son.

Artemisia refused to marry Thor months before the coronation ceremony. Her parents and Odin as well were not taking 'No' for an answer. My mother, on the other hand, knew. She knew how I felt and how Artemisia felt about me. There was very little she could do. Artemisia had made a decision. She poisoned herself, which, obviously, brought her death. I was the one who found her in agony.

"You cannot die! Please!", I begged.

"No matter what happens, remember you are more than Thor's brother. You are Loki. You deserve to be happy and love. Remember that", she managed to say.

"I will die if you die!!!", I was having a breakdown and she was fading away by the second.

"Everyone dies alone. I love you". Those were her last words.

Thor was told she had gotten a rare disease and that it was that what caused her death. Her parents wouldn't admit she had committed suicide.

I never got over it, and after everything I had done, all I wanted was to join her.

Not too long before dying, my mother said something: "Artemisia didn't think of you as a monster. Don't you think that about yourself. Ever". 

It only caused me to suffer more, as later on, she died and with her gone, nobody wanted me. Nobody thought I was worthy of being loved or cared about. Thor cared but it didn't make a difference.

I just did not see the point of being alive anymore. Each day I would feel more and more pain, and the urge to let myself go.

"Well, you look like crap, Reindeer Games", a voice made me jumpy and I opened my eyes.

"Stark?. What are you doing here?", I asked. He was not alone. Rogers, Barnes and my brother were with him. "Thor, what is this?".

"This is us, taking your ass out of that cell. If you don't want to live for yourself, fine. But you can't die, for Lydia's sake", Stark replied.

"What do you mean?. It is for her sake that I am here".

"She can still feel your pain, Loki. If she feels as bad as you do, it will kill her", Thor said as he opened my cell.

Before giving me the chance to say a word, they dragged me outside and we went back to Midgard. Once there, they explained me she was at Barton's house, but that she had left and was currently in an abandoned house, on the outsides of the city.

"Why did she leave?", I asked.

"Why do you think? Her pain became too much for her to handle and she didn't want to bring trouble into Clint's house", Stark replied.

"No, I mean why did she leave the compound?".

Nobody spoke.

"Because she hates me. I was the one who forced Thor to take you out of there, and when I told her, she just... she cares for you. She sees something in you, that none of us do. She believes you still have a chance to move on and have a decent, happy life. And by forcing you out, I took that chance away from you. That's why she left", Rogers seemed affected by it. More than the rest of them.

"She really believes that?", I asked.

"She does... We need to take you to her. She'll do whatever she needs to do. And you will live. For yourself and for her. She would take a bullet for any of us, but she is willing to die for you, Loki, do you understand?".

"I do, Barnes. I do".

"Not to be rude, but, Thor, please make your brother look like a decent person and not a homeless guy".  _'Dammit Stark'._

**Lydia's P.O.V**

The pain and the screaming would come and go in waves. In that moment, I was feeling rather quiet. I heard some noises outside, and someone entering the house.

I walked down the stairs slowly but nobody was there. I opened the door and almost fall down to the ground: Tony, Bucky, Steve, Thor and... Loki!!. He was alive!. I run to him and jumped into his arms; he wasn't expecting it and to be honest, neither was I, but I had seen and felt his pain and knowing he was alive made me feel happy. He hugged me. After some minutes I pulled myself away and looked at him. He was looking fine, but he had been feeling like crap.

"How did you even find me?", I asked.

"They found both of us", he replied.

I looked at my four teammates.

"Who and how?", I wondered.

"I did. Your bracelet; it has a tracking device under the stone", Tony said.

"I should have known...", I sighed.

"We needed to do things right this time", Steve explained. I didn't reply, instead I nodded.

"We'll be here. Just... take the time you need Lyds", Bucky stated.

Loki followed me inside the house. We sat down on the floor, next to each other.

"I am sorry, Lydia", he whispered.

"For what?".

"For the injury you have...".

"It wasn't your fault. It was an accident, so drop it".

He extended his hand.

"Ready?", he asked.

"Ready", I replied.

I saw Loki's last weeks, and the amount of pain that had grown in his soul. He had thought of me and felt guilty and unworthy. I saw he had been thinking of dying. I heard Frigga's words to him. I even saw how Odin told him he was adopted, and how the only thing Loki ever wanted was to be treated as an equal. He was misunderstood. He had lost the only people who thought of him as a person. I was in tears by the time I let go of his hand.

"Lydia?", he asked.

"I'm sorry, Loki. For all the pain you had to face. I'm sorry that Odin never understood you and that he never showed mercy for you; I'm sorry you lost the love of your life and your mother. But they were not the only ones who thought of you as a person. Because, I do. I think that you, Loki Laufeyson, are a man worthy of love and happiness. And so does your brother; he may not show it, but he cares. I care about you. You are worthy, Loki", I said and now he was in tears, he held on to my chest. His hands were cold. I looked at him, he had changed into his real form. I caressed his skin.

"Thank you, Lydia...".

"You don't have to thank me".

"Can I ask you something?".

"Of course..."

"Are you planning on ever telling Rogers that you love him?".

I stared at him.

"How did you know...?", I asked.

"He said you hate him, and if there is something I know is that, sometimes, for hatred to exist, there also has to be love hidden somewhere".

"I don't hate him, I was mad at him for forcing you to leave. But I could never hate him...", I said in a whisper.

"Show me...", Loki asked.

"Show you?. How?".

"I know one or two things about magic. My mother taught me. Try to show me", he said and he offered me his hand. I grabbed it and closed my eyes, focusing on every single moment I had spent with Steve and when I realized I was in love with him.

"The pendant...", Loki said and I opened my eyes. "He chose that pendant because he knew you loved rocks and gems, as well as the color blue. And when you saw it, you realized he had payed attention. That was when you knew you loved him".

I nodded in silence.

"Thing is, he doesn't love me back, Loki. It's a one-sided feeling", I looked down and a few tears ran down my face.

"I am not so sure about that. He was really affected by all of this. You should talk to him", he suggested.

"I'll try...".

"Let's go...", Loki said as he stood up.

The guys were still there. Tony had fallen asleep in the SUV, Bucky was playing with his phone, Steve and Thor were looking at the door.

"Are you alright?", Thor asked.

"We are, brother...", Loki said and smiled as he looked at me

It wasn't going to be easy, but he wanted to fight for his happiness. He was willing to do things right.

"Steve... can we talk?. Not here, but in the compound...", I asked, calmly.

"Of course".

I was quite sure that coming clean about my feelings was going to break my heart, but I had to do it. It was the only way to be free.


	9. 09

**Steve's P.O.V**

Lydia and I went to the roof, to speak. I was terrified, to be honest. I had no idea of what she wanted to talk about. It was probably about Loki and the fact that we found him. But it could also be about a hundred of other things. 

All I knew for sure, was that I didn't want to lose her again. Why?. Because I felt something for her. Something I wasn't even sure how to describe. I had only loved Peggy and after she died, I realized there was probably nobody else out there for me. I spent 70 years frozen. How does anyone love a person like that?. I've missed out a lot of things. But when Lydia was around, I would feel different. When I saw that pendant, I simply knew it had to be hers. I remembered when she told me about her childhood and her hobbies and how much she loved the color blue.

"Steve...", she called me softly.

"Yes?", I was panicking already.

"There's something you should know. I've been telling everyone that the longer you hold on to a secret or pain, the harder it is to overcome it later. And I've been the first person not to follow my own advice. The first night I visited Loki, he asked me if had any secrets, and I told him that I only had two. The first one was being there with him at that time...", she said and stopped.

"And the second one?", I asked.

"I didn't tell him what it was because I didn't want to admit it to myself. But truth is, I like you. And the night of my birthday I said you were my family, but you... you are more than that. You are my home. You are the person that I look for in a crowded room. You saved my life and gave me hope. I just... have really strong feelings for you. And I know it's a one-sided thing, but I thought you should know it", she said as some tears ran down her face.

"Lydia...", I whispered. "I need to show you something". I grabbed her hands in mine.

I focused on her. I focused on every moment where she helped me and mostly, I focused on what made me pick that pendant: the feelings I had for her.

"It's not one-sided", I said and looked at her.

**Lydia's P.O.V**

I would have never thought that Steve felt that way about me or that he was going to kiss me right after telling it wasn't a one-sided thing.

"You were right, after all...", I said as I sat down next to Loki. He was going to stay at the compound for some time, and we would try to help him to be the man I already knew he was.

"He is a lucky man", he replied with a soft smile.

"Thanks Loki. For making me show you. I wouldn't have had the courage to speak to Steve if it wasn't for you".

"Thank you, Lydia. For showing something nobody ever had for me...", he said.

"What's that?".

"Hope, but mostly... mercy".

**\----THE END----**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, 2nd story. (I'm still trying to sort out how to put this and the previous one into the same series, so bear with me while I do so).


End file.
